Monday, May 28, 2012

I know, I know... it has been a long time since I have written anything. And even that is an understatement! I feel like I go through seasons. Sometimes I want to spend every waking minute documenting the lives of my beautiful children through photography. Other times I switch to a scrapbooking mode, when I try to express myself through creating fun & festive pages on which to display the hundreds of photos I take. Then other times I enjoy making hair bows for my little girl who seems to want to outgrow them- but I am in denial about that one! And of course there is a certain time of year when it seems we have birthday after birthday, and I become immersed in party planning. I love all my hobbies. I put my heart into every bit of them. But I believe my longest lasting, most satisfying, and biggest personal passion is truly writing. Not a surprise for those who know me I am sure. I L.O.V.E. to talk & express myself. I crave being able to share my thoughts & emotions with someone, with everyone! And when I do sit down to write- whether it's a letter, an email, a blog, or just journaling- I have to really pull myself away because I just never want to stop. If it weren't for the kids and necessary trips to the bathroom, I would write for hours on end!! All that said, I would like to be able to sit back down again and blog a bit more regularly for a while. Not sure how often that will be right now. A lot has happened and we have been quite busy since I last was writing. Including a new addition to our family- Alexander, only 2 months old at the moment. Actually he was part of my inspiration to sit back down and write. I wanted to share his birth story as I had once shared Natalie & Zachary's. My next blog though will probably be just a 'brief' (however brief I can actually make it!) update of our activities since my last blog. For now though, here is a picture of our new little guy at just a few days old.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Lock-Ins Where We Weren't Locked In

Some of my favorite memories are from my time at church, in our youth group. In particular I loved being apart of the lock-ins. Staying up all night long, hanging out, playing games and munching on snacks, what teenager could ask for more?!

(This was much of our youth group, I was one of the youngest- in yellow, in front of the building we used most often for our youth group meetings. It actually burned down, though I can't remember which year- I think it was when I was 17 or 18. The roof had caught fire and it was bad enough the building became unusable- at the time I was in charge of our AWANA store also housed in that building. I remember going through everything and it reeked of smoke, we couldn't use any of it.)

One of my favorite games was a form of hide and seek. Though the concept of a lock-in is being locked inside the church, our church was actually four buildings spread out over the church grounds, so we usually just took it as being 'locked' into the church grounds. So in the dark night, we would have 1 person go out and hide somewhere- inside or out. Then we all go out in search of them. The first person to find them is officially the winner, but once they are found instead of announcing it, you would join them in hiding until pretty much everyone was hiding there. One time when we were playing, it was my friend, Coley's, turn to hide. He found a great spot because we were completely at a loss and eventually had to start searching for him for real- game officially over. As it turned out, he had fallen asleep where he was hidden!! From then on we only played in partners.
At another lock-in, when we were playing that same game but in partners, it was Steve and Joe's turn to hide (at least I think it was those- but really any of the guys in youth group would've had this exact idea!). On our church property there was a huge back lot where a new building was always planned to be built (as of now I still don't think it has happened yet!). The ground was very uneven. Mounds of earth here and there, between ditches. During our normal youth group time each Sunday evening, we would often play capture the flag up there. It was perfect for it. Well the lot is surrounded by woods. Well Steve and Joe went out to hide, and pretty soon we all went out, in pairs, to search for them. After not too long, we started hearing this loud crack, I mean really loud hard to ignore, and if I remember right, there was also a bright flash of some sort. It seemed to be coming from the back lot, so my friend Shannah who was my partner, and another pair of girls, Deanna and Emily, all went up to the back lot. Of course it was dark and the ground was uneven, so it was creepy back there, but we walked along the edges, though not getting too terribly close to the woods. We were talking about how they better not be back in the woods, because that would be out of bounds. And then all the sudden they jumped out from the trees (well, not so much jumped as, set off whatever toy they were using to make the loud noise and bright flash of light, and they yelled something from up in a tree right at the edge- in daylight they would've been completely visible), catching me and the other girls off guard as we screamed and jumped back- me unfortunately into a huge puddle! I wasn't very happy at the time, but I smile when I look back and think of it now.
Why can't adults have lock-ins and play games like that?!! I totally miss it!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Top Ten Tuesday: My Plans While We Are HOME!

I am home for my sister's wedding and some much needed time with family and friends, most of whom I have not seen in 2+ years!! So while I plan to be checking in occasionally and maybe blogging a little, Jon and I have a lot of things we want to cram into a 3 week window while we are home. We aren't planning another visit to the states until our return home in mid 2012! Here are some of the many things we hope to do during the 3 weeks:

1. Obviously, I will be doing all the wonderful duties of not only sister to the bride, but a bridesmaid. Including throwing a bridal shower myself, attending another pajama party and a ladies luncheon in my sister's honor- complete with getting my nails done at the salon with the ladies before the luncheon, the rehearsal and dinner, then the actual wedding itself!

2. At my sister's request, we will be having either a double date with our men, or just some sister bonding time. I believe we will be going to Seattle!

3. At my insistence, Jon and I will be getting a date night of our own. If finances and timing permit, it will be a dinner cruise that we have both longed to go on. In fact, it the same one he had hoped to propose on if I hadn't been so impatient!

4. This is not only a trip to go for the wedding, but also our own family vacation. We haven't been on one of those in a long time!! So we are hoping to take the kids up to the Woodland Park Zoo in the Seattle area, which I have never been too. As well as the Aquarium which is in downtown Seattle- though they will probably need to be separate trips, because we will take the ferry on foot for the Aquarium. Though Jon was disappointed I had taken Natalie on her first ferry ride the last time just us girl visited, this time it will be Zachary's 1st time and we will all go!

5. Family pictures!! I already found and bought coordinating outfits for all of us, to do some in studio pictures at JCPenny. This is were we used to do all our pictures of the kids and family, but there isn't one in Guam! I have this framed print from them in our hall from right before we left, but it is missing our newest member- so we really hope to get something similar to add beside the earlier one when we get home! (Though I am still hoping to also do family pictures on the beach in Guam before Jon leaves for 3 months next year, I don't think you can ever have too many pictures!!)

6. A girls night, or day, with my best friend, Shannah!! We have been best friends for over 10 years, and I miss her a whole lot!! I plan on spending as much time with her as I can between all the wedding stuff and other plans, as well as have Natalie spend some time with Shannah's 3 girls!

7. We will be celebrating Christmas on Thanksgiving with my family! I am looking forward to it, even if there won't be a tree or many decorations up yet, we will still have the big meal surrounded by our family, and exchange gifts all together instead of through the mail!

8. A tradition my mom started when I was young, was that every year we would go see Zoolights at the Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium. In general I spent a lot of time there growing up with my mom and sisters, so it will be a great blessing to now share that with my kids. Zoolights is a lot of fun, it opens the weekend after Thanksgiving and the whole zoo is decked out with Christmas lights! We bundle up, go buy hot chocolate and walk through the maze of displays lighting up the night! I have missed that, I haven't been to it in about 6 years!

9. I will be getting my craft on! I am looking forward to not only trying to creatively and inexpensively decorating for my sister's bridal shower, but also picking up the stuff I want/need in order to decorate Zachary's toddler bedroom- monkey themed! I almost all of the decor in my daughter's ladybug themed bedroom when we switched her to her toddler bed and took out the old nursery decor, and I can't wait to do the same for my son as he approaches 2 years old! And also I will be finishing up last minute touches on the homemade Christmas gifts for my family. We don't have a very great craft store here on Guam- there is one, but the selection isn't great and it is seriously expensive, so this is a big priority for me, I miss running to Michael's (or even Walmart sometimes) for all my crafting needs!!

10. I will also be trying to visit with many other friends I haven't seen in a while, including my friends Chris, Victoria, and Bethany. As well as family, my brother Daniel and my niece Miranda, and all the family attending my sister's wedding.

This post is linked to Top Ten {Tuesday}.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Another New School and Meeting New Family

A new year and another new school. Shortly after my mom had us move from the nice big blue house to a small 2 bedroom apartment, I started at a new school, and not just any new school, a brand new, just built, middle school! It was only a year or 2 old and the first school I would be attending without my younger sister Carolyn. There was 5th through 7th grade here before moving up to the high school which started at 8th grade. To prepare us for high school, we actually had our classes set up a little differently then I was used to here. Our teachers were in pairs, and as my home room was Mrs. P, she would have us most of the day for math, geography, and history, we would go over to Mrs. S room next door for her to teach us reading and writing, while her class was in our room learning the math and history from our teacher. Our classes did a lot of the other 'extra' stuff together as well, like art, typing, library time, etc. I had great friends in both rooms, though my closest circle of friends was in Mrs. S's homeroom. Actually overall, I liked Mrs. S better then my normal teacher. Not that Mrs. P wasn't nice enough, but I found her boring- though it may relate to the material she was teaching as well. I adored Mrs. S, she was more personable, kind, uplifting, encouraging, and she taught my favorite subjects! She was probably the earliest teacher I remember having that really helped me develop my love for the written word- both the read and write.
Though I had many more friends in this new school, I was still not very good in the social area. I often was teased as I would wear the same over sized white Halloween sweatshirt, over one of 2 turtle necks with one of 2 pairs of stretch pants I owned, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Don't get me wrong they were clean. Every 2 days I did a very small load of clothes. But this was a time when jeans were the 'in' thing to be wearing, and fashion was becoming quite the social status as we entered the preteen years. To me, jeans were the most uncomfortable piece of clothing ever. I couldn't stand them, and being comfortable was more important to me then being socially accepted- though I longed for that too. Luckily I did have some very good friends who didn't care what I wore!
There was Lydia, she was in Mrs. P's class with me. She was a wonderful artist, she could draw a perfect picture of Bambi completely freehand! I thought she was amazing, but she wasn't a fan of my ever changing mood swings, and we often weren't talking for one reason or another.
There was Shardae, she actually lived in the same apartment complex as me. She was also in Mrs. P's class but she was a social butterfly, and between her and another friend of hers named Jenna, we too were on and off a whole lot. It didn't help that her brother who was 2 years older didn't like me and often threatened me. Funny because honestly if anyone was the bad influence it was her, not me! But she did teach me how to roller blade which we would do a lot in the parking lots of our huge apartment complex.
Then there were my friend's in the other class, the ones that were truly my closest friends that year, Rachel, Katie and Katie. I remember once going to Rachel's house for her birthday. 2 of us (me included) decided we would head bang for as long as we could- don't ask me why. We head banged to some music I wasn't familiar with for an hour straight. That was when I had my first migraine I believe and I ended up going home SO sick. I threw up more then I ever did with the flu in that one time!!
Katie M. was the one I would end up missing the most when we moved yet again at the end of this year. I always thought she was so pretty with her dark short hair, and she was the sweetest girl I had ever met. Before I moved away she even made me something she said she was going to put on a pillow but ran out of time, one of those yarn things (you knot it onto a piece of plastic?? Not sure what it is called but I still see the kits for it at craft stores now) with Winnie the Pooh's face on it. She also gave me a large Mickey Mouse she had gotten at Disneyland the year before, so I could have something to remember her by (I collected stuffed animals). I was so sad we never ended up keeping in touch, but I think we both knew it wasn't likely.
Half way through the year, we actually moved again. This time to a bigger 3 bedroom unit and either my grandma moved in with us or just visited A LOT!
Over spring break this year, for the first time, I went on a trip to see my dad's parents. I had not spent much time with them up to this point, so this was a new experience. They owned an RV, so they came all the way up from California to pick up my sister Carolyn and I and drove back down. I enjoyed the road trip most. I had never been in an RV before and I thought it was the coolest thing. We had to stop for something to be fixed on the RV in Oregon and my Granny taught us how to play Rummicub. We also stopped in southern Oregon again were my Papa went fishing and we picked blackberries. It was beautiful were we stopped in Brookings. I think it was by a river in this RV site, and I only wish I had had a camera back then!
When we finally made it too their house in California, we met our Aunts and Uncles for the first time. There was Aunt Jane & Uncle Leon who lived on the same property (there were 3 houses on the property). Then Aunt Leila who lived out in town and we didn't see much of. Our cousins, Mary, Leon, and Elizabeth came over to play often though. We even went to one of Mary's swim meets.
This is also where I learned almonds grow on trees! In fact my grandparents had at one time had acres of almond trees. Unfortunately most had died and the land was sold, but there were still a few trees behind my Papa's shed. They also had citrus plants in their front yard with oranges, lemons and limes. And my granddad (Granny's father) who lived in another of the houses on the property, had his own garden which grew pretty much everything I could imagine! There were even little fig trees (though they looked more like bushes to me). I tried one, but I thought they were disgusting. The thing I enjoyed most were the grape vines though, those I definitely ate and loved!
Another new thing I learned about on our trip was black widows. Now I had grown up with a healthy fear of spiders (still very active today in fact!), and in the RV on the way to California, we had seen a show about some of the world's smallest but deadliest predators, one of them was the black widow. I was terrified! I imagined seeing them all over the place when we got there and wondered how anyone survived living in such a place! My grandparents warned us about not putting our hands places we couldn't already see first, particularly when we were outdoors. But I had so many nightmares of them the whole trip.
Another part of our trip was going to visit my Aunt Terri and Uncle Nelson. I loved Aunt Terri from that very first time I met her. She is my dad's older sister, and she lived hours away from my grandparents. At her house was a pool, and we went swimming and had virgin strawberry daiquiris. During the day at one point I made a comment that I really liked her little green flower earrings, so she took them off and gave them to me! I felt very special and instantly her kindness comforted me and I felt closer to her then any of the other relatives I had met.
When it was time to go back home, my Granny talked to my mom, then to us girls. She wanted to fly us back, but we had never been on a plane before and I was scared of heights and flying in general! Eventually she convinced us, how could I pass up being home in a few hours verses a few days? We left from the Oakland airport. This was of course when others could walk you all the way to the gate, and wait with you. We waited and I watched the airplane get hooked up to the tunnel with much anxiousness but also excitement. I was scared of it, but it was a new experience and seemed so grown up, especially since we would be going alone, just me and my sister. All I remember about the flight is that we didn't sit together. We both wanted a window seat, so she sat behind me. I remember the rows were like 4 or 5 people in on each side of the aisle. And though I have never seen this set up in a plane since, there was a table and every other row faced each other. So I was sitting in a seat across from a middle aged woman. Ideally my sister would've sat opposite me, but we didn't board in time to find any seats like that both with windows. After that I don't even remember taking off or landing, accept that it was difficult to get off once we did land as EVERYONE was trying to get their bags down and rush off the plane, so we had to wait.
That following summer we moved back into my grandma's house where we had lived from 1st to 4th grade.

To read more about my relationship with my sister Carolyn and what NOT to do with scissors, check out my 5th grade post from last session. (I promise it is shorter then this one!!)

This is the 7th post in a series of 12 I am doing to record my youth to share with my children and grandchildren someday at

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Shaking the House Down!

Fourth grade was first year we moved that I remember actually being effected by it socially. From 1st through half of 4th grade we had been living at my grandma's house, not far from my school. I had so many wonderful teachers at the school, and great friends from my years there, I don't know that I was 'popular' but I was comfortable for certain. Then we moved as my mom and stepfather tried to reconcile, he even bought me a puppy at Christmas and my little sister a nice CD player, which I always suspected as a way to get back on my mom's good side. And apparently it worked, as we moved closer to their job, a computer type of business (think Kinko's)about half an hour away.
My sister and I began attending a school we had passed many time in the past and always thought looked old fashioned and run down compared to the nice, new and clean facility our prior elementary school had been. I don't think it was a bad part of town, but the school hadn't been updated in a long time, evident by one example- they still used the card system in the library instead of computers. Our old school had taught us how to use it, but only as a formality because we rarely ever had too.
Growing up at my grandma's house, I remember always being jealous of the kids who lived so close to school they could walk. We were close enough, but not quite that close. My feelings towards that all changed when we had moved just up the road from this new old school, and now I actually did have no other choice but to walk. It was also the first time I had to worry about carrying a house key with me since my grandma didn't initially live with us, so we came home to a big empty house most days.
It was another big blue house, one of the biggest and nicest I remember living in, with a huge fenced in back yard and a basketball court too. I remember being excited about it, but then rarely going out to play. I was definitely an indoors kind of girl.
As for school, I was in a split class. I was in the older group of 4th graders which was just a handful of kids compared to the 3rd graders in our class. I don't know if its just a part of the 'oldest sibling' syndrome, but I was very upset at the fact that I was better friends with the younger 'little' kids then those my own age. Apparently at this school, by 4th grade most students had already learned about the 'birds and the bees' but I hadn't yet. I was considered very naive by my 4th grade classmates, and I always felt so small in that class. Thankfully it was the one and only split class I was ever in, but it began a pattern of a lack of self confidence in myself which continued and contributed to the rest of my school years.
At home, it didn't take very long for my mom to decide that her marriage was beyond reconciliation. I barely remember my stepfather being around when we lived in that house. One night, I think it was somewhat stormy outside, so my mom decided we would all sleep on the pullout sofa in the living room for fun. I don't remember if it was just me and my sister Carolyn or if the 2 youngest of my siblings were there too, but we waited on the couch as my mom ran upstairs to get some linens. Then there was an earthquake. Not surprising for the area, and to a kid it was great fun! And from upstairs my mom yelled down to us- "Hey girls, stop rough housing, you're shaking the whole house!" And we were just sitting on the couch laughing at our little secret because we knew it had been an earthquake and she didn't! We told her when she came back down, but I remember wondering how she could possibly have thought it was us since everyone knows you can't shake the house from the downstairs, just the upstairs!!
Well at the end of the school year, since my mom could no longer afford to for us to live in such a big house, it was time for another move. This time to some apartments in a different part of the city, where we would go to a brand new school, and I couldn't be happier!

This is the 6th post in a series of 12 I am doing to record my youth for my children and grandchildren to read someday at

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Gift of Hospitality

So this week I am going to focus on some dear friends of ours, whom we miss dearly, but even that is so broad because we have many friends we wish could be closer to us! I will never forget Mikayla and Jason's wonderful hospitality towards us as we prepared to move from our East Coast home, to Guam.

We had met Mikayla and Jason in our young adult couple's Sunday school class at church. It was around September 2007 when we first got back to the East coast. I had spent the time Jon was in Cuba, living with my mom across the country, but it was nice to be back to the first place we had really had to establish our home as an independent couple. I admit while I loved being home and all the familiar things where I grew up, the business and wide range of city life had grown on me. I enjoyed being in a 'mega church', which was a huge change from my small town church of maybe 100 attenders on a very good day.
I don't remember exactly the how fast it all happened, but we clicked. We had finally found friends we felt comfortable with, that were at a similar point in life. We enjoyed having Mikayla and Jason over for dinner, and we spent time at their place, or out to eat as well. In fact, they introduced us to the Wii. It was New Year's Eve, we went over to their house for dinner and ended up staying until 1 am (I don't remember if that was actually the plan). For hours we played Wii Tennis, Bowling and Boxing. I felt like I was in youth group again, at one of our regular lock-ins! I had never had so much fun on New Year's Eve before! Natalie behaved quite well, even into the lateness of the night.
Fast forward to February, Mikayla was quickly approaching the due date of their first child. We had invited them over for dinner one night, and Mikayla was complaining of back pain. Well the next morning I got a call from Jason asking what was in that dinner because Mikayla was in labor!! They asked us if we could bring our camera because they didn't have theirs, you see Mikayla had been going to her morning OB appointment and the doctor was concerned about the baby's heartbeat, so she was sent to the hospital right from the clinic. So Jon stayed home with Natalie, as I went up to the hospital. Jason's sister was supposed to be there for the birth, another person to help Mikayla and the baby, but since baby Hannah arrived a few weeks early, his sister hadn't yet flown in yet (I think she was coming within a few days). I was only too happy to help when I got the the hospital, and whether it was from so much pain, Mikayla just didn't care, or because she really did want another woman there, she let me stay to help however I could. I considered it an honor. And I guess it was a help, because I was able to take pictures of there first moments as a family together! I wish someone had been at the births of my children to snap some early photos, but it just wasn't a priority for me or my husband to be taking pictures at the time!

About 4-5 months later, as we prepared for our move to Guam, leaving Mikayla, Hannah, and Jason, they were kind enough to let us stay with them. When it comes to overseas moves with the military it can take up to 2 months for our household goods to make the long journey to us, so we wanted to send it as soon as we could. What better time then right before I would be gone myself, with Natalie (2 1/2 at the time) to visit my mom for her wedding for 3 weeks the month before our overseas journey truly began. And when I returned home our apartment lease was ended, our stuff was gone, and Natalie and I stayed with Mikayla and Jason in their brand new house (which they were remodeling at the time!). Jon stayed with another friend, Eric, from his from work (who also had a young baby born the same month as Hannah), and who lived much closer to work, and he came over during the day to help with Natalie and Hannah when he wasn't babysitting Ava as a favor to Eric. Of course, I was in my 1st trimester of pregnancy with Zachary, which meant I was often nauseous, but as much as I could during the days while Mikayla was at work, and Jason was working on the remodel I played with Hannah and Natalie. It was actually a lot of fun, though it was cramped, during these few weeks. There was no one I would've rather spent so much time with before we left Virginia.
During our few weeks there we even went all together to Busch Gardens for the 4th of July. It was Natalie's first time at an amusement park and boy did she love the rides! And would you know, of all the years we spent in Virginia, so near to Busch Gardens which we could get one free pass to each year (military special), and both time we went I was in my first trimester of pregnancy!! The other time was when my mom and sister had visited us and I was 12 weeks pregnant with Natalie, and though I begged the doctor, they said I should NOT go on ANY rides at all! With my fear of miscarrying again, I did not dare to question that as much as I wanted too, and it was the same way the second time around. So though I enjoyed the shops and shows and even fireworks Busch Gardens had to offer, the closest I got to any ride was the train that ran through the park to shuttle guests from one 'country' to another.

Another fun story from while we stayed at Mikayla and Jason's house was first discovering Natalie had inherited my fear of bugs. While I am really only particularly scared of spiders and any bees or wasps, Natalie couldn't tell the difference at this age. One day when I sent her to the room we were staying in because she was in trouble, almost as soon as the door closed I heard the most ear piercing scream. When I went inside, Natalie was climbing from her small toddler size air mattress onto the taller queen size one, as fast as she could move. When I asked her what was wrong, in her panic she cried "There's a bug!!!" And I looked to see a housefly on her pillow! I couldn't stop laughing as I tried (and still try today) to convince her that flies and ants won't hurt her!

This is a post to record my Young Adult years at

Friday, October 22, 2010

Little Moments of Life On Base

Around the age of 6, my mother had recently had a new baby girl (this made me the oldest of 3), and my grandfather and cousin had passed away, it was quite a year. But I still remember some little moments of everyday life surrounding those giant ones.
My stepfather was in the Navy on submarines, so we had the privilege, I always thought, of living in a house on base. It was situated on a col-de-sac, which was neat because it gave me plenty of space to ride my bike. That was the year I learned to ride a 2 wheeler, and boy did I! Growing up, we rarely lived in communities I was able to do this in very much- busy, crowded apartment complexes, or my Grandma's house which is out in the boonies surrounded by trees and a road with many steep hills. But on base, I enjoyed many fun pastimes that year.
Once we got invited to a friend's pool party. I remember being in awe that that had a pool in their very own back yard! It was above ground, and I just remember thinking it was huge!! To a six year old, it was very deep and plenty of space to swim and play. In the future when I saw above ground pools, I always thought they were lame and not deep enough, but this one stands out in my memory as being the biggest one I have ever seen (because I was so little at the time!). I even imagined what it would be like if we bent one of the sides over, like you could in the little kid pools, and the water flooded out. I pictured it being so much, it would wash away the cars from the street!
Then there was my own backyard, or it may have been our neighbors. I just remember that as it had a decline into the trees at the back, there was a little fenced in area, and steps cut right into the hillside. No wood, or stones, just the dirt, like someone took a shove at a perfect 90 degree angle to make steps up into the yard in the steep grassy hill. That part must have been on our neighbor's side, because I remember trying to get my stepfather to do it in our yard but he wouldn't.
Another brief glimpse from my life as a submariner's step-daughter, was going down to meet the submarine when it pulled in after a 3 or 6 month departure. One time particularly, my mom dressed me in this very patriotic dress, with red and white stripes along the bodice and a puffy skirt of blue with white stars. We got on a bus that took us into the restricted area where the submarines docked, though I don't even remember seeing my stepfather get off, just being on the bus in a dress I actually really liked that was perfect for the occasion.
I also remember listening to a lot of Ace of Base in my grandma's old white Subaru as she drove us everywhere. She lived with us here, as well as almost anywhere else we went, and she took care of me and my sisters.

This is the 3rd in a series of 12 posts I am doing to record my youth for my children and grandchildren at